This post was originally posted on another blog of mine which will soon be removed
This is something that mainly girls do which really bugs me. They hold their bad past against their new partners. How can you do that? In my eyes, it's a pretty selfish move. I understand they have reason to be cautious but when they start becoming some whiny girlfriend who goes on at her partner for silly things like coming home 5 minutes later than expected and then accusing them of cheating.. that's just too far.
I've picked some of the worst guys without realising and I've been put through so much pain because of guys yet I start every new relationship with a new slate because it's a new person with new morals, new way of thinking, new everything! They're nothing like your ex so why treat them like they are? I believe if you start viewing your partner like your evil ex, then you may as well wave goodbye to your new partner because your relationship will inevitably fall apart.
I think the only thing of the past you should bring to the future is your knowledge of your bad experiences. You should realise that now you have the knowledge to pick up on the small signs you missed before. When you break up with someone, these signs you missed
in the beginning become more prominent. For example, my last ex boyfriend was controlling and abusive. I was completely oblivious to this until we broke up. I went on my FB and after a bit of scrolling, I noticed that I had around 1000 wall posts from my ex, most of which were asking where I was, what I was doing, or telling me to answer my phone. The others were ridiculously cringey and mushy and I realised it was all just a game to pull me in and for him to then gain control. I remember he put a mushy poem on my wall after a week of dating! When I received that, I thought it was adorable but now I realise it was just a way to pull me in.
When you get into a new relationship, you can tell almost instantly if they're any good for you or not; you'll pick up on the vibes and match them with the vibe you got with your ex. It's almost like compare and contrast. If you get a bad vibe, you can either nip it in the bud and end the relationship, or you can be a bit more observant for any signs you missed in your last relationship of any infidelity, abuse, or just poor treatment of you.
So if you're reading this and you've had very bad relationship experiences, I plead with you that it is unfair and selfish to tar everyone who comes along with the same brush! You only have one chance at life so if you want to fall in love, allow yourself, don't refrain for fear of being hurt. If anything, after all the pain you've been through, you'll be stronger and you'll be quicker at moving on. Imagine how you would feel if you got into a relationship with someone who was stuck in the past all the time and they didn't trust you even though you're a very loyal, trustworthy person. It would annoy you and you'd feel like you're walking on egg shells all the time to avoid any emotional overreaction from them.
Think before you love.