Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Losing Hope

Originally posted August 2013 on another blog of mine

I don't want to admit it but I feel like I'm losing hope in men. The hope of there being more decent, considerate men with high morals and respect for women. Don't get me wrong, I have a lovely boyfriend and he treats me great, but nearly every guy I come across has hurt/betrayed/abused me in some way. I hate to say it, but it now feels like a waiting game before I get hurt by my boyfriend.
I've been treated poorly in the past but I've always been strong minded enough to not let it affect my view on all men. Until today, when yet another man, a trusted adult who I considered one of the greatest men I had ever met and had the privilege to work with, turned into a grooming pervert right before my eyes. I feel like I've gotten to the last straw now and I hate that I am. I even messaged my boyfriend today, saying I couldn't trust anyone nowadays and I've never said that to a boyfriend before. I made out to him that the incident today didn't really bother me but it surprisingly has.

I've been sexually, physically, emotionally and domestically abused by men throughout my life and it still hasn't stopped. I'm not saying I get physically, sexually and domestically abused on a regular basis but I still get bothered by men frequently. I get stalked/followed, I get taunted, I get sexist abuse/comments online and in real life, whistled at like a dog, seen and treated like a sexual, uneducated object and I'm fed up of it. I'm thankful for having a boyfriend who is willing to protect me from men (he already has had to protect me in the space of over a month) but he can't protect me when I'm alone and from the nightmares I have. It's ridiculous that I even have to be 'protected' from men in the 21st century. Every single day, I'm haunted with the memories that men have left behind for me to endure for the rest of my life and most of them have no idea of what they've caused.

I don't just mean my abusers but even random strangers in the street. My past has naturally made me a lot more pre-cautious of men because I know what they're capable of so a man merely whistling at me and referring to me as a 'thing' can remain in my memory for a long time and only adds to my view of men. I still remember memories of random strangers calling after me/following me/singing to me that happened nearly a decade ago! So when I get these flashbacks of my past, these things also come along with it and makes me frown upon men and makes me feel lower than I already did.

I know most of those random men are only being playful, but when you consider that 1 in 5 women have been/will be abused, you'll be surprised at how it can really affect them and intimidate them. So I plead with you men, that if you ever want to call after a woman or whistle at a woman, remember that you could potentially be intimidating them no matter how silly it sounds. There are nicer, not as intimidating ways to approach a woman other than whistling after her like a dog.


Update: I no longer have an amazing boyfriend. He also betrayed me, lied to me, cheated on me and purposefully hurt me. Yet another one to add to the list.

3 comments:

  1. I found your profile on EP, and read this so I thought I would comment....as a man who has only ever been cheated on by women.

    Women initiate the majority of divorces, and they also statistically cheat much more than men it seems too. It speaks to the old cliche/double standard that is entirely unfair to men, that if a man cheats or leaves a women, it was his fault, and if a woman does the same, it is still his fault, or he must have done or not done something to cause this.

    Also, it turns out women have the more unrealistic expectations from men. Which makes things even more difficult considering women hold most of the power in relationships and decide if they happen or not.

    Let's take the data from this very popular free dating website:

    http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

    "women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway."

    "Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex."

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  2. I know how you feel... It's gotten to the point where I'm beginning to feel worthless because of multiple jerks' demeaning and abusive behavior and comments toward me. It can really mess with your head, especially when you're alone and stuck with bad memories. I can rationalize and know that I'm not what they say I am and that I'm a human being with real value and deserve to be treated with respect, but it's difficult when the emotions kick in. Life is unfair and really horrific at times, but eventually what goes around, comes back around. Karma will repay our abusers in whatever way it chooses.

    And I really like your blog :) and thanks for posting this.

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    Replies
    1. I have good and bad days, lately there have been more bad ones but I'm still here, fighting until the last day. I do hope they get their karma.
      Thank-you, I'm glad someone reads it and appreciates it.

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