Thursday, 28 August 2014

The Objectification of Women

Who is to blame for the objectification of women? I came across a question which covered this and I was quite disgruntled about what I read.

A large portion of people believe that both are to blame and a large portion of those focused mainly on the woman's role. A few men believed it was purely the woman's fault and I didn't see one person say it was men's fault. I honestly don't understand how that could've happened.
What was most shocking was the amount of men who were quick to defend other men, saying that men can be treated like objects too. That is a fair point but some of them left it at that and didn't offer a decent opinion of the objectification of women. It was almost like they were denying that women were objectified, most commonly so, and instead took it as an attack against men. It's not an attack, it's a way of bringing up a universal problem but those who contribute to the problem are quick to take offense which isn't the point. This observed behaviour happens in nearly every discussion of women oppression; there is always one who feels that it's unfair to rule out men in the situation, despite the discussion being based entirely on women and their experiences because women are the vast majority of rape/sexuala assault/violence/abuse victims.

The person who asked the question was a female who actually blamed women for their own objectification if they behave or dress in a certain way, but where do we draw the line when it comes to rape victims? I doubt that woman would say that rape victims brought it on themselves for wearing a short skirt, but what she originally said was along the same line of thought. Other girls said it didn't really bother them, but it's attitudes like that which allow objectification and disrespect of women to continue.

No-one deserves to be raped and that includes male/female prostitutes, those who are deemed as "asking for it" and those who "deserve it" due to their behaviour and dress code. Keep in mind, not every prostitute join the industry through choice, some are forced into it by pimps or even their own family so it should never be assumed that they chose to put themselves in vulnerable situations.

You cannot say a woman who objectifies herself deserves to be treated like a sexual object that can be used and abused, then disposed of when required. The media has played a large role in women becoming more likely to objectify themselves to feel desired by men. They're playing on an insecurity that most likely stemmed from media itself. Women who do objectify themselves should not be supported by men.

But how on earth do you decide when a woman is objectifying herself when even your average, well mannered woman is objectified by the men around her? I personally dress to make myself look smart and presentable; I don't have cleavage on show, I don't wear ridiculously short shorts/skirts and I don't parade myself around like a promiscuous woman. However, I still get men who treat me like an object by hassling me, downright asking for sex or expecting it from me, speaking to me like I'm a piece of meat that is at their disposal and generally being disrespectful to me when my body language and dress code represent someone who demands respect. Women who are showing no skin still get raped and assaulted and usually by someone they know.

On that note, I'd like to leave a couple of videos about the objectification of women in gaming. Her videos and that question is what inspired me to write this and maybe it'll make some of you (hopefully more males) to see just how much female violence we see in gaming that we often overlook.

Women as Background Decoration - Part 1
Women as Background Decoration - Part 2

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

The Grey Area

My boyfriend and I are having some serious difficulties right now and I'm not sure what to think. Nowadays, when something like this happens, I go numb and can barely think straight so I'm finding it hard to deal with.

I was over his house and he went for food so I was on his tablet. I popped onto his Facebook and looked through his messages (I know I shouldn't have but I've looked before and found things). He had a message from a girl. A girl who we'd argued about twice now - each time he said he would delete her number and stop talking to her.

In my belief, he hadn't spoken to her for many months now but he had messaged her just ten days ago. Not only that, but she constantly asks him to text her instead so there are a lot of conversation I haven't read. I felt a bit sad that he'd lied again but then their conversation darkened. He wanted to play a questions game which turned out to be pure sexual questions. By this point, I felt a bit hurt. One part of me thought that it was highly inappropriate but another was saying that it's just a bit of harmless fun. I mean, I've spoken to my male friend about sexually related things, but I don't hide him/his messages from my boyfriend. I believe if he hadn't acted so shady before with this girl, it wouldn't be such a large problem but at that point, it looked like he had bad intentions with her.

He came back but I kept what I saw quiet. I didn't want him to be annoyed that I looked through his messages again. He left again for another reason and I was on his tablet but on the internet. I opened a tab to go on Google and there were a couple sites underneath in the recently visited area which caught my eye. One was Omegle, I was shocked because I didn't think he was the type to go on chat rooms. I go on them all the time (not Omegle) but it's because I'm a tad introverted and I just like talking to new people. Then I worried that maybe he was on them to talk sexually with girls. I tried to ignore that idea until I saw the other website. At first I thought it was a porn site which I don't have a problem with at all but this website was purely for hooking up with women and finding fuck buddies! At that point, I blew a fuse.

I started thinking that maybe he does have bad intentions with that girl and that he was also looking elsewhere. I thought maybe he is going on Omegle to chat up girls.

My heart sank.

He came back and I confronted him but he didn't react how I expected him to react. He froze and asked what it was. I could tell his heart was racing, he was in shock. Then he changed the subject; something he did when I first confronted him about the girl when she text him after he told me they'd stopped talking! Though this time, he knew it was more serious. He said he'd never seen it before but said nothing else. He didn't apologise or comfort me when I started crying, which he normally does. I eventually left and went to my car, he never followed. About half an hour later, I said if he was sorry and he loved me, he would've come out to talk and comfort me so he eventually did. I cried my heart out in front of him for about half an hour, my mascara was all over my face. I cried so hard.

My boyfriend said today that the thought of losing me was like someone who's close to him dying. I told him that's why I cried so hard last night; he's my other half, another part of me and now I felt like that part had died. I'd lost part of me and my future. I've never been so sure of anyone until I met him. He's been so good to me up until now, I thought he'd never break my heart but he has. He's shown another side to him and it's truly painful.

You're probably wondering why the title is what it is. I'm referring to that grey area in between faithfulness and infidelity.

I don't like it but I've not got a problem with him talking to girls as long as it's innocent. He was playing a game with her for a bit of harmless fun which was based on sexual acts. Whereas, if he'd asked her to send him a nude, he'd be single.

I don't have a problem with him watching porn but him on a site like that is dodgy as fuck. When I asked him to prove he didn't have an account, (surprise, surprise) the history had already been deleted. He said that it probably popped up when he was looking for porn or clicked on thinking it was porn but it wasn't. There's a lot of grey area around the way he reacted and some of his stories don't add up.

He's apologised so much and even my friends have said that he sounds genuinely sorry and think he most likely won't do it again. They still agreed it was wrong, however.

We're meant to be going to a theme park tomorrow for his birthday which is this Friday. It's also our 17 month anniversary tomorrow so it's the worst time for this to happen, yet we're still not 100%. Even if he comes over tonight, it'll probably be quite awkward and tomorrow may feel a bit forced if we do go. I don't know what to believe.

Relationships suck sometimes.

Friday, 22 August 2014

Thoughts on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

I'm sure most of you reading this have come across the challenge that is, the Ice Bucket Challenge. I'm sure, well I hope you know that the challenge is done to raise awareness and money for the ALS charity. Those who do the challenge don't have to donate, but they nominate others. Those who are nominated must do the challenge and nominate others within 24 hours. If they do not complete the challenge within that time, they must donate to the charity.

At first, people were doing it for the right cause and mentioning the charity but of course, young teenagers, specifically girls have taken it as a way to get likes or to look like they're caring. Now the charity isn't mentioned in posts and young girls are doing it in their bikini which we all know is completely unnecessary. What's worse is that people are completely hijacking the challenge and changing what charity the donations are going to, commonly to cancer charities which already get millions each year. In my opinion, the ALS charity created the challenge, it should remain their challenge and all proceeds should go to them.

So if you've been nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge and you want to do it, mention the ALS charity and actually put ice in your bucket! If you've been nominated but don't plan on doing the challenge, then why not donate or at least share something which raises awareness for the ALS charity?

Monday, 11 August 2014

Getting fitter

I'm currently interested in getting myself fitter through cardio and strengthening, accompanied with dieting. I hope to lose 13lbs and go down to 9st or just under. Apart from being thinner, I hope to get toned and look fit. I've bought all the kit to help motivate me (Tip #1); gym top and leggings, a Karrimor jogging water bottle, new Karrimor trainers and new Slazenger socks.

Yesterday, I ate around 1200 healthy calories and went for a little jog. Nothing too extreme but I still felt proud that I did it. Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so he could put me through some strengthening exercises and boy did that hurt! I had the nice burn for about 5 minutes after it, then I really started paying for it.

I've realised I'm not someone who gets that buzz from exercise; I get a headache, I'm exhausted and feel terrible, but the only thing in my head that keeps me going are my inspirations (Tip #2), knowing that it's going to make me healthier, it'll get easier as time goes by and I love being able to say, "I did it. I've beaten so many couch potatoes!".

I weighed myself yesterday and I weighed 9st 13lbs. Today, I weighed myself and I was 9st 12lbs. I'm not saying that that's a positive pound lost, many factors can slightly alter your weight but I'd like to think I'm getting somewhere!

I have work tomorrow but I may still go for a jog afterwards or I may leave that for Wednesday to allow my body to recover a bit.

I'm hoping that throughout this journey, I could get support from you guys. It would greatly help and I'd happily support anyone going through a weight loss journey.